We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
