96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
