guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
