last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
