I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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