there was a trapeze. enough said
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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