Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
