apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
