the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
