I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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