found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize