I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
