So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
