My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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