my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
