his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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