You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
