Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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