i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
