I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
