she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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