are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
