Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
