we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
