Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."