Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ