At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
