Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
