Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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