i barfeds in our rink
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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