I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
