Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
