I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
