I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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