Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
