We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
