And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
