____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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