Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
