Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
