My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
