John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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