The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
