Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
