I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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