you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
