I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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