I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
