eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
