remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
as a side note pls kill me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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