ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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