You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
