why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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