Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
