i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
