My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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