What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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