She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
