This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
