What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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