someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
