Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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