u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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