for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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