I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
