He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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