You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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