i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
