We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
