I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
