Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
