Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We need to get me chipped asap
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